The Bible and Baseball Bats

Over the years I was told to follow God, unless of course I was in contradiction to what someone believed and then I couldn’t possibly be following God because God wouldn’t ask me to do what they disagreed with. Generally, I was bashed over the head with the Bible. The result of this is, despite the fact that I have not regularly read the Bible in over 5 years I can still quote more of it than the average Christian has read. I thought everyone was like this, that all Christian kids could quote massive portions of the Bible or were generally aware of what it says. Then I became involved in Christian groups and I was the authority on the Bible often over what the teacher said. This surprised me.

 I can debate any point, I can argue any side of a Christian argument, Biblically. I can argue following the Levitcal law, I can argue why it is now obsolete. I can argue why women should never speak in the Church and I can argue how they are equal with men in all ways. I can argue kissing everyone inside the Church, as in making out with them, and I can argue its immorality. All arguments based out of scripture. I don’t actually know where I came up with this skill, although I highly suspect that it is from being hit over the head with scripture as if it was a baseball bat, and having to fight back. Problem is I didn’t ever fight back. Only a fool rejects reproof.

Proverbs 1:7 The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge, but a fool rejects wisdom and instruction.

Being battered constantly when you are trying to be the best you could be, hurts, and eventually you have a choice, stand up for yourself, or become a whipping boy and relish the emotional pain of being struck down. During the time when I didn’t stand up for myself I did search the Bible for where I had gone wrong.

John 5:38-42 You search the Scriptures because you think that in them you have eternal life; it is these that testify about Me; and you are unwilling to come to Me so that you may have life. I do not receive glory from men; but I know you, that you do not have the love of God in yourselves.

The scriptures do not contain eternal life, they simply point to Christ, but when you are desperately searching for eternal life you miss the pointers to Christ. Also, when the very people who are supposed to be emulating the love of God do not have love, things become confusing, because you believe what you have always been taught, they have the love of God.  John13:35 By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.” When the love of God is assumed to be where it is not, it becomes increasingly difficult to believe it even exists.

I never found eternal life in the scriptures, in fact I only found condemning, painful, try harder verses. Then I decided to give God the middle finger and I jumped ship. I couldn’t live up to His standard so I quit. I wonder how I never saw this back then, Romans 8:1 There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. 

After I jumped ship I decided several things.

I was not the judge of men.

I was not above anyone.

I would never use the Bible as a bludgeoning tool.

I would love with abandon no matter how much it hurt.

The only code I would live by was, “Is this loving?”

My friends would be the broken, the outcasts.

It took me some time to get to these things, but I got here. My story is long and complicated, but eventually I ended up with these ideas, and these ideas are what shaped my life. At some point I started going back over the Bible in my head. I didn’t pick it up, it was too painful. Reading the Bible caused me to feel like I was physically suffocating. I had a habit of running scripture through my head whenever I was bored or tired and couldn’t sleep, and somehow that habit never left. I had been approached by God and I had agreed that I would give Him a chance to show me the love that His followers had done such a wretched job of showing me, and I told Him He had one shot. Eventually, I started paying attention to the drone of verses that were constantly running through the back of my head, and when looked through from the standpoint of God being a loving, proud, doting, father, they changed. In fact they told me this.

 I was not the judge of men.

I was not above anyone.

The Bible was not a bludgeoning tool, but a pointer at the love of God.

I should love with abandon no matter how much it hurt.

The only code I should live by was, “Is this loving?”

My friends should be the broken, the outcasts.

To the broken, to the outcasts, I’m sorry. I am sorry on the behalf of all who have called themselves Followers of Christ. They were wrong, and I empowered them by not standing up for myself, I was wrong. I ask your forgiveness. Give God a chance to prove His love Himself and He will not disappoint you.

To those who call themselves the Followers of Christ, I am sorry, I am sorry that I empowered you I was wrong. Ask God to give you His love and He will, just remember the story of the rich young ruler, and remember you will be required to give up everything.